Jonathan FerreyCalling all NASCAR noobs, neophytes, greenhorns, and haters. Since the ‘Tona kicked off in February, you’ve probably done your best to ignore the roar of America’s beef-slapping, ass-grabbing stock-car circuit. You get enough backwoods American braggadociousness from the White House, after all. Do you really need any more?
Well, the answer this weekend—Labor Day Weekend, in case we need to remind all you commies out there—is hell f—kin yeah you do! You see NASCAR, as part of the Bojangles Southern 500 (subtle, we know), is hosting its annual throwback throwdown, featuring door-to-door Darlington racing, 2018 HoF class festivities, and an actual reason for everyone else to watch: Retro paint schemes for nearly each and every car. Skeptical? Still worried about trivial concerns like the “environment”? Just check out a few of these sick puppies. Something tells us you’ll come around:
#2 – Brad Keselowski
FacebookPinterest#43 – Aric Almirola
FacebookPinterest#88 – Dale Eanrh..

INDIANAPOLIS — The hook of this story isn’t that Frank Swingle, a 93-year-old member of Meridien Hills Golf Club here, made a hole-in-one a few weeks ago on the course’s 12th hole. The story is that Swingle is the exact kind of sharp local celebrity that you should dream of being, if for some reason you’re not already. Swingle, who’s surrounded by a crowd when I meet him in the pro shop, has been retired for 47 years, has religiously played twice a week since getting out of the Navy in 1946 and briskly strolls out to our interview on the club’s deck at a pace of a man about 30 years younger. When he made his ace, Swingle says jumped up and down on the green.
A member of Meridien Hills for 59 years (and the oldest person ever to make a hole-in-one there), Swingle not only had an ace but ended his round with a score of 106, his lowest score for 2017. (He also plays with a 97-year-old and introduces me to a member named Bob who’s six months older than he is, so apparently there is some s..

Chicago Cubs fans are skittish creatures. They hate black cats more than a Puritan priest, cling to an irrational goat phobia like grim death, and would rather name their children Diarrhea Face than Steve. I guess that's what 108 years of torment will do to the collective human psyche.
If you thought things were going to Get Better® now that the Cubs finally broke their curse, however, you clearly don't know sports fans. In fact, success—and the fear of losing it—has only made things worse. By late May, with the Cubbies hovering around .500, some fans simply gave up on the season. To the surprise of no one but those Cracker-Jack-stress-eating basket cases, the Cubs made a second-half rally and now lead the NL Central by three and a half games. But has that soothed the Wrigley masses? Hahahaha. Let's check in and see how things are going…
Idiot #1:
https://twitter.com/CSNCubs/status/902692497914081280
This guy is still rocking last year's playoff beard and looks li..