The list of “Florida man” stories has become the stuff of legend in recent years. And not the good kind of legend. In fact, there are so many that Esquire published “The 90 Wildest Florida Man Stories of 2019 (So Far).” In APRIL! But while it's tough to keep track of all these wild crime tales (Things like “Florida Man Dances through DUI sobriety test” and “Florida Man Who Allegedly Threatened Family with Coldplay Lyrics Ends Standoff After SWAT Promises Him Pizza”), one jumped out on Friday morning because Florida man struck again. Literally.
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Also, this particular story involves two tried-and-true staples of the Sunshine State: An elderly man and a golf club.
According to the Bradenton Herald and the Manatee County Sheriff's Office (Even the county names in Florida are great), a 56-year-old (Florida) man has been charged with aggravated battery for hitting his mechanic over the head with a golf club..

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Troy Aikman is absolutely feeling himself in 2019. Don't believe us? Back in August, he took sports radio personality Doug Gottlieb (of credit card fraud fame) to the woodshed for his awful take on Andrew Luck's retirement, which he immediately tried to write off as “sarcasm.” If you don't recall, here's what Gottlieb tweeted:
https://twitter.com/GottliebShow/status/1165442952832811008
Everybody and their mother had a quote tweet, but nobody bodied Dougie quite like Aikman did:
https://twitter.com/TroyAikman/status/1165809758806388736
What made this particularly great, other than the endless “BODY BAG” comments and pop culture GIFs in the replies, was that Aikman and Gottlieb both work for FOX. They're coworkers! And Aikman openly dumped on him. What a world.
A month later, Aikman was back at it, responding to a tweet from The Athletic's Kansas City Twitter account that randomly compared Patrick Mahomes to Aikman:
https://twitter.com/TheAthleticKC/status/1..

Dom FuroreMax Homa Westin Kierland Resort Scottsdale AZJune 5th 2019Dom FuroreCurrent Golf Digest cover boy Max Homa is one of the best golfers in the world. But he had already established himself as the game's King of Twitter (Well, at least part of its royal family along with Phil Mickelson and Eddie Pepperell) before picking up his first PGA Tour at the Wells Fargo Championship in May. And you know what they say about coming after kings on Twitter: You best not miss.
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But a brave foolish follower decided to take a crack at Homa for letting his fantasy team down with a rough start to the Shriners Hospitals for Children Open on Thursday. It did not go well for the guy. Here's his tweet with Homa's reply:
https://twitter.com/maxhoma23/status/1179912829186408448
Burn! Absolutely perfect.
It wasn't long before the poor guy was getting slammed left and right, including from fellow tour pros:
https://twitter.com/JT..

Chipper Jones is one of those baseball players that makes me feel like an old man. Not to date myself, but I remember having an entire sleeve of his rookie cards and watching him break in with those great Atlanta Braves teams. Then watching his entire 19-year career before retiring. (Googles when Chipper Jones retired) SEVEN years ago?! Man, I really am old.
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And so is Chipper. In fact, he's 47 and looks like a typical middle-aged man when he attends baseball games. The Hall-of-Famer also still has pretty good hands as evidenced by what happened during the ninth inning of Game 1 of the NLDS between the Braves and Cardinals on Thursday night. Check out Chipper snagging a foul pop-out with ease like he was still manning third base at the old Fulton-County Stadium:
https://twitter.com/cut4/status/1179921501212086272?s=12
What are the odds? Of course, things got even wilder from there as the Cardinals score..

The enforcer position in the NHL is all but extinct, and analytics nerds will tell you that's a good thing. On one hand they're right. The more speed and skill on ice the better. On the other hand, sometimes you just wish your favorite team had a guy that would sock an opponent in the face when they stepped out of line. A guy like Milan Lucic.
Lucic is the last of his kind in the current NHL. The 31-year-old has been wreaking havoc on the ice for 13 years, eight of those spent with the Boston Bruins, one with the L.A. Kings, three with the Edmonton Oilers and now one game with his new squad, the Calgary Flames. On Thursday night the Flames were in Colorado to face the Avalanche, and Lucic wasted absolutely no time endearing himself to his new teammates.
RELATED: Milan Lucic hunting down and assaulting a Tampa Bay Lightning rookie is pretty terrifying
Late in the second period, Avs defenseman Nikita Zadorov made a huge, seemingly clean hit along the boards on Flames center Aus..

2018 was a rough year for the New York Rangers. They won 32 games, finished second-to-last in the Metropolitan Division, and were the least relevant hockey team in New York, which is saying a lot because, well, the Islanders are the Islanders. Thus Thursday evening, the opening night of the 2019-20 season for the Rangers, was viewed as an opportunity to turn the page—a chance to grab a fresh start with both hands and run with it. Unfortunately before the Rangers even had the chance, the bad juju struck again, tripping forward Lias Andersson with a cable during player introductions in a moment that has since gone gleefully viral:
LoadingView on Instagram
HEY, I'M WALKIN' HEEAH!
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Cringey NYC jokes aside, you do have to feel for the kid. One second you're on top of the world, the next you're flat on your ass, and all because some idiot inexplicably left a cable on a dark sheet of ice an..

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ShaiithBad news, scotch drinkers. Bad news, spouses of scotch drinkers. Bad news, friends, family, sons, daughters, Secret Santa partners, and mailmen of scotch drinkers. Bad news to just about everybody buying anyone anything brown and boozy from the British Isles this holiday season: It's about to get a hell of a lot more expensive.
According to Forbes, On Wednesday, the U.S. Government, not content with their ongoing trade war with China, passed a 25% tariff on all single-malt scotch whisky imports (read: all single-malt scotch whisky period.) The new import tax—a petty financial swing at the European Union over a plane manufacturing subsidy provided to Airbus at the expense Boeing—includes $7.5 billion dollars worth of European goods, including everything from German beer to French cheese, AKA any easy, fool-proof holiday gift idea you can possibly think of (sorry, but I don't think mom wants the new Call of Duty.)
RELATED: Most expensive whiskey on earth sells for more t..