For hockey fans across the northern hemisphere, it’s been a long, hot, iceless summer. You trimmed your mullet and got choked up watching Super Mario highlights on YouTube. You laughed at the Senators and fell in love with Gritty. You almost sent an old lady into the glass in the dairy aisle last week. But you survived. You made it. Hockey is here, and after a brief hiatus, third jerseys along with it. So leave the “analysis” to Melrose and Milbury, and join us as we rank the polyester parade of new Adidas alternates that are just waiting to get bloodied.
15. Winnipeg Jets
FacebookPinteresthttps://twitter.com/NHLJets/status/1040783693080481792
Listen, we’re sure plenty of kind, talented people worked on these 90s-inspired Jets throwbacks, but there’s just too much dead space and the blue is a little too…Jolly Rancher? There’s always next year, which seems to be the Winnipeg mantra at the moment.
14. Colorado Avalanche
FacebookPinteresthttps://twitter.com/NHL/status/104028421040005529..

What are ESPN’s baseball announcers talking about? What do their words mean? Who designed this bottomless portfolio of popsicle-colored Super NES graphics? What or where is a Hard Hit Rate? Why do their stat charts take up a third of my screen real estate? If Charlie Blackmon is -8 outs above average, is that good or bad for Charlie Blackmon? How does an allegedly helpful stat use a triple negative? USE YOUR WORDS, PEOPLE, you sound like you’ve just arrived from Planet Boring and learned the speak the language entirely by going through Theo Epstein’s unshredded recycling.
To address your question, yes, I am 74 years old, I like my black socks two feet long, my playlists all Billy Joel, my discounts senior and my baseball announcers to use fully formed English nouns like the ones that appear in my Wednesday crosswords (because Thursday’s are too hard.) The amount of time these trig-obsessed dimwits on the Worldwide Leader in Putting the Percent Symbol On TV spent on Tuesday’s NL Wild Ca..

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The Europeans may have won the competition, but which team looked better in Paris?

Welcome to another edition of The Grind, where the 2018 U.S. Ryder Cup team is quickly becoming a potential Bravo reality TV show. I can see Andy Cohen hosting the three-part reunion now (What? My wife always has those things on!) with WAGs storming off the set and Patrick Reed being a “game-time decision” before showing up in some crazy red, white and blue getup. Seriously, this wound up being a disaster in France summed up best by this tweet from No Laying Up's D.J. Piehowski:
https://twitter.com/DJPie/status/1046062176975429633
There is so much to get to that by the time we finish here, there will probably be reports of another fight on the team plane. At this point, I just hope Tiger made it home without hurting his back. Anyway, let's get to it.
WE'RE BUYING
MOLIWOOD: Francesco Molinari had never won a match in two previous Ryder Cups. Tommy Fleetwood was a Ryder Cup rookie. And yet, they put on one of the greatest pair performances in the history of the event. The ..

If you've come for the punchline, we hate to disappoint you. This is not a set-up, but an actual headline out of Chantilly, France, where last week security cameras at a sleepy little bar captured a runaway race horse sauntering into the establishment and destroying everything before turning around and seeing itself out. If this isn't a metaphor for your Friday night, we don't know what is:
https://twitter.com/Newsweek/status/1046873618247049217
The horse's trainer said the filly kicked off her rider before the escaping stables, somehow ending up inside a random bar throwing a tantrum over the price of a glass of Beaujolais NEARLY A MILE AWAY. Needless to say, we have more questions than answers, including…
Why would anyone willingly ride one of these things?
How in Pope Francis is this guy so calm?
FacebookPinterestWho left the damn door open? Were you born in a barn?!
Is the Flash currently vacationing in France?
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