What are ESPN’s baseball announcers talking about? What do their words mean? Who designed this bottomless portfolio of popsicle-colored Super NES graphics? What or where is a Hard Hit Rate? Why do their stat charts take up a third of my screen real estate? If Charlie Blackmon is -8 outs above average, is that good or bad for Charlie Blackmon? How does an allegedly helpful stat use a triple negative? USE YOUR WORDS, PEOPLE, you sound like you’ve just arrived from Planet Boring and learned the speak the language entirely by going through Theo Epstein’s unshredded recycling.
To address your question, yes, I am 74 years old, I like my black socks two feet long, my playlists all Billy Joel, my discounts senior and my baseball announcers to use fully formed English nouns like the ones that appear in my Wednesday crosswords (because Thursday’s are too hard.) The amount of time these trig-obsessed dimwits on the Worldwide Leader in Putting the Percent Symbol On TV spent on Tuesday’s NL Wild Ca..
